Here I go again...

So, I woke up this morning and got on the scale naked. I weigh 136 pounds. That may not seem like a lot to some people but at 4' 9" tall I am what the doctors categorize as obese. I want to lose this weight so badly but I continue to sabotage myself. Why is that? My sex life is suffering because of my inability to stick to my plan and accomplish my goal.
So today was a fairly decent day. I stuck to my meal plan and did 45 minutes on the elliptical machine. I was feeling good about myself and thought for sure my husband would want to have sex.
So I took a shower, cooked him a good meal, and we got into bed. But he didn't want to have sex. He was rubbing on me but his dick didn't even get hard. My husband has great stamina and does not have an erection problem. So the only conclusion I could come up with is me.
So I begin to ask myself have I gotten so fat that he is just not attracted to me sexually anymore? He has been hinting around a lot lately that he would like to see me lose weight. He's not mean but just little stuff he will say like, "baby you should do some crunches. That will help you lose your stomach." That is another reason I want so desperately to lose this weight. I know my motivation should not be to satisfy someone else but when my husband starts denying me sex (and I love sex so much!!) then I am willing to make him my motivation for losing weight.
Needless to say I am feeling really bummed out right now. Instead of being more motivated I am just depressed. I want to eat something fattening like a Snickers bar. I am glad I don't have any around. I need to create a positive mantra for myself so that when I am down like this I don't let it get the best of me and shape my attitude.
I guess it is masturbation for me tonight.